Volume 23, Chapter 4

As usual, I am pressed for time again. Does it ever seem like everything in your life is moving in slow motion, yet somehow, everything is spinning quickly out of control?? Sometimes I wonder if I am a control freak. I consider myself easy going, but I still like to have everything handled with a definite plan. This new career is a hard one to get started in without a whole lot of cash flow, and sometimes I become a little nervous. Then, I remind myself that this is surely the path that I am suppossed to be on, and I relax, and put my trust in God. I'm big on letting God take me where he needs me. Some people understand that, and some think I am crazy, either is fine by me. The lost loved one who recently contacted me. Hmmm???? I don't know what to say about or how to control that particular situation. Do I keep my undying faith in someone who ultimately doesn't derserve it because of how I feel about the situation?? From the outside looking in, the situation is doomed. I know that, and I do consider myself a VERY rational person, but my heart keeps telling me not to give up. I have been in love with people before, but its never been like this. I smile as I write it, even with the pain that has been involved, its an amazing feeling. I try to let go of that man, but my heart aches, my chest becomes heavy, my stomach feels as though there's a knife in it, and I can't get my breath, it puts me in awe. Maybe it won't work out, but I haven't given up just yet. :-)